God I Miss You Mom

I miss her some much. We where like best friends in my adult years. We would spend a lot of time together just talking or watching TV together. We often watched Golden Girls on her TV. Our bond was deep. When I had to watch her rot away from cancer, it was something I'll never be over. It took part of my soul watching it happen. Nothing will fix it.

For a couple of years I took care of her in her home. I moved into the same apartment building as her, even though the rent was higher than I could do normally. I would cook for her, and help her with everything she needed help with. I gave all I had to the point of exhaustion.

I managed to get some help for her, but not nearly enough. I'm disabled and it was seriously hard to do all the work that needed to happen.

Then when she was in the home, I visited every day, even when I was in terrible pain. Half of the time she was in a home 5 blocks from my home, and I walked every day, even in the rain. When she needed to be taken to Regina, I hired transport and went with her. Everything she needed or wanted I took care of.

To watch her fade to less than 80 LBS and loose the ability to talk, then go bling and deaf, was horrible. I can't express how much this hurt. Every day I came to see her, it was worse.

I so miss our time together, and the times we rented a car and traveled was some of the best times in the past 20 years of my life. I've never been truly happy since.

I know I'll meet her again, but the wait is painful. I think of her every day, and cry over it at least once a week, like I'm doing right now.

She accepted me fully for who I am with no question. She was my best advocate. All the problems I had with mental health years ago, she was there for me. She never let me down.

God I miss you Mom!