Christmas Day and Looking at the Future

I can't help but feel ignored with how long it normally takes people to reply to me. I tend to never take more than a couple minutes to reply, unless I'm hiding from the world that is. But this tends to be the norm when I text or message people. It's totally one me though, as I project my own hyper attentiveness to replying to others who tend to actually have a life, when I just sit here in front of the TV all day.

I feel quite bad for this because I can't tell you why, but - when someone says God bless to me, I tend to feel slightly annoyed by it. It's well meaning and I honestly can't tell you why it angers me a little. I just have no clue. 90% of the time it's intended as a nicety and to make me feel better. God knows - It could be the past I had with the Christian faith and how it completely damaged me for decades to come. This being said, this is NOT true of most brands of Christianity these days, in Canada at least.

My Samsung A53 updated to Android 14 and UI 6.0 - Well before this the Dark mode extended to the notification and tool bar thing you see above. It seems they think this is dark mode for this part of the interface now and it's NOT dark mode. This is actually slightly hard for me to see as I am not always wearing my glasses and the lower contrast makes it bure out for me.

This was the Presidents Choice Meat Lasagna from Real Canadian Superstore. It was somewhere around $16 for a medium sized half inch thick product. It tasted very good to say the least. I think if it has peperoni in it, it would be twice as good. It could have used some hot sauce, but God knows that's not happening here in Moose Jaw at least - none to be had when I order my stuff for months now.

This was my Presidents Choice app telling me it's going to be a wonderful day. Well I was hours into crying in deep sadness as I am deeply missing my family and I as always was all alone for Christmas and it does hurt. Sadly it's exactly the same for most of my online friends (they ARE real friends for those who don't think they are - they are close as family to me). We are all older and have lost many loved ones and tend to not have many left if any. So we lean on each other and keep strong. I have to say, it hurt when someone who should know better told me to "just be strong." Well the thing is, I'm literally crushed by the feeling of sadness on the holidays since my Mother died. I did spend one Christmas dinner with friends after, but I felt so very out of place and that I did not belong, I never wanted to do it again. I think, if it was just my friends and myself, it would be OK, but there are all these people I don't know, and I don't do well with people I don't know at all - it sparks a lot of anxiety.

Life is much better when you are nude I find. It is just more comfortable and I feel less restricted. Clothing is something I have hated to have to have on since I was a very young child. I am told I fought having clothing on when I was little. So it's strange that most of the photos of me as a baby I'm clothed. My Father, my Brother and I would often not have clothing on in the evenings at home and would watch TV before bed time in the nude. I am rather sure this is something not one family member outside out actual home knows. It was a well kept secret and not once to my knowledge mentioned to anyone. I never thought to talk to friends about it, as it was just normal. When I had sleep overs I was instructed to keep my undies on at night, and I thought it was my friends who where strange for not wanting to be nude. Later in life several people I was friends with back then became nudists as well, but to be honest, I've not had contact with them in many years. The friends I have now to the most part are literally ashamed of their bodies and would never feel comfortable being nude, even when alone. I find this sad as hell. Some of my online friends however are very much nudists. If you want to see my nudist blog, it's in the links section of this blog.

This is Christmas day, and I hope you had an enjoyable holiday time, even if it is HELL ON EARTH for me personally. But soon I will be back to my normal level self again. I tend to hide it well, unless you are on my Facebook that is, then you know just exactly how I'm feeling as I puke out almost every thought on there LOL. In any event, as 2023 slowly slides into 2024, I deeply hope that the next year is much better for all of us, as 2023 has been a living hell to every last person I know. Prayers to the Goddess Abnoba that things go better for the entire world. Now the Sudan is in on the hell that is spreading around the globe. I feel that the Middle East will soon be in a multi-nation conflict that may draw in a lot more and WWIII will be a reality in some form or another. I also feel that in 2024 the Russians will make more moves for even more lands and may step up the attacks with weapons like chemical and biological elements. I just hope it's not the end of us all soon.