WHAT I KNOW ABOUT HOW WOMEN TALK TO MEN (COMEDY DON'T LOST YOUR MIND)

So over the years I've been in relationships with Men and Women both. None of them lasted more than 3 months however. There was always some basic incomparability, like me thinking they where crazy (I was not alone most of the time). As for the men (2 of them) neither was all the nuts we just could not live together.

But the women (7 of them), they where off the rails. I won't go into the details, but they all had something wrong with them to say the least. One of them even stocked me for months until she latched onto someone else (poor bastard). Also one almost lit the place on fire - glad it was her damage deposit not mine. Minor damage, not a need to call the fire department, but DANG. It was on purpose.

But that's not what I want to talk about. I want to talk about the communication difference between a man and a woman.

• You know what you did. (No actually we have not one fucking clue what we did or we would have said sorry already).
• Do you remember 22 years ago when? (we don't remember this morning - stop doing this).
• Does this make me look fat? (Just pack your shit and leave at this point, there is no right answer).
• Do you think of other women when your with me? (YES is the answer, but you better fucking say no).
• Do you know what day this is? (No... No we don't, so tell us so we can say "sorry" and go get fucking flowers).
• I think we should have a joint bank account. (Unless you have been married for 5 years, it's a trap and she is going to take your money and go live with Ken).
• Don't get mad, but. (40% chance the car is now FUCKED, it's always a reason to get mad and when you say the same thing, she will instantly get mad before you say "but").
• Do you think I'm sexy? (Just say yes and take the next 3 hours to justify it, if you say, "no but your good at getting me off" you will be murdered in your sleep).
• I don't feel like staying in. (She ain't going to tell you where the fuck she wants to go, it's up to you to guess before she gets pissed of and says, "Fine we will just watch Netflix").
• Do you always have to watch the game? (This means it's time to move because she will never fuck off and just let you watch. The thing is, if she likes hockey, she will still say this).
• Where do you think we should go on vacation? (She already planned the trip to every last detail including what drinks and snacks at what time, it's up to you to guess before she gets mad).

Honest to GOD there is no way you can get her to realize that when you say something you mean it and there is no hidden agenda. So get used to 6000 questions.